Anxiety isn't any fun

Why do I always plan to do so many things in the holidays, but they never happen due to stupid fucking social anxiety. D:< I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate iiiit! I wish I could just not care and actually have fun in awkward situations that occur practically all the fucking time, man I'm angry right now, I got all ready to go to a pool party in Rangiora and got to the bus stop, but something made me turn around and go home...kjtcoijkhgnrcoghj